Week #6: Letting Go of the Past, Finding the Now
This week’s exercises are about letting go of the past and living in the present. Williams & Penman (2011) say we “carry around the dead weight of past failures, unfinished business, relationship difficulties, unresolved arguments, or unfulfilled ambitions for ourselves and others.” This prevents us from fully engaging in the present moment. It is the greatest barrier to peace and contentment.
According to Williams & Penman (2011), Western society was built on a foundation of guilt and shame. We feel guilt and shame for all of our perceived failures -- shame for our failed endeavors, shame for our imperfect children, shame for our broken relationships, shame for our unfulfilled dreams.
Much of our guilt and shame is grounded in fear. After all, is it not our duty to worry about our loves ones, our jobs, our pets, our bank accounts? Sometimes our worry seems self-protective - as if we can prevent our fears from manifesting just by worrying about them, as if without fear, we surrender some control. Williams & Penman (2011) call fear the “inner bully” making us believe that “if we relax, we’ll begin to fail. . .if we let ourselves off the leash, all hell will break loose.” And if that is not bad enough, we compound the whole fear, guilt, shame cycle by feeling bad that we feel this way!
So this week’s exercises are about giving yourself the opportunity of “dwelling, moment by moment, in a state of mind that cradles you in nonjudgmental, compassionate wisdom.” Williams & Penman (2011) liken this to cradling an inconsolable infant. You’ve fed, diapered, and rocked the baby, but still the baby cries. Sometimes all you can do is cradle the baby, accepting the is-ness of the situation. You can’t ignore your fears and your shame or shove them aside, and brooding only compounds them. But you can sit with them, accepting them for what they are and hold them in a compassionate embrace. Cultivating kindness for yourself has powerful effects: research shows that “the “aversion pathways” in the mind --- that tend toward resistance -- are switched off, and the “approach” ones -- that tend toward acceptance -- are switched on instead.
“This change in attitude enhances openness, creativity and happiness while at the same time dissolving the fears, guilts, anxieties, and stresses that lead to exhaustion and chronic discontent.”
The new meditation this week is about cultivating kindness toward yourself which, in turn, opens up a wellspring of available kindness and compassion for others.
This week’s exercises:
#1 Befriending Meditation, Track #7
http://bit.ly/rodalemindfulness
#2 Continue with the Breathing Space meditation twice a day or as often as needed.
After the Breathing Space meditation, spend a few moments noting your thoughts and feelings being careful to view them as thought, not as objective reality. Name your thought patterns: “anxious,” “worrying,” “planning,” or simply, “thinking, thinking.” Now try to determine what’s behind the thought pattern or try to think more objectively about what is going on: are you tired, cranky, exaggerating the circumstances, or just being unreasonable about your expectations?
#3 Habit Release
This week do one of the following:
Indulge in an activity that used to give you pleasure that you haven’t done in a long time. It can be a 5-minute or 5-hour activity like listening to a particular piece of music, going for a hike or reading a magazine.
Or,
Do a good deed for someone else: one random act of kindness, like cutting someone a bouquet of flowers or gathering some items for donation.
That’s it for the week. Until the next post, enjoy the Now!